I feel like I have been going through the motions for months now. Wake up. Feed baby, Pour coffee. Play with baby…
You get the idea.
Besides, life the past couple months hasn’t been simple. Far from. Ever since my daughter was born it has been one whirlwind right after another. Like walking a tight rope or trying to breath under water.
If you follow my blog you know what I have been going through the last couple of months.
To sum up, had baby, had surgery, found out mom had cancer, moved across the country, etc.
But it wasn’t me that lost everything. It wasn’t me that faced her darkest hour.
It was my mom. It was awful to watch. My one and only biological parent left. My best friend was staring a beast in the eye. She was David and cancer was Goliath.
For months I watched as my mom lay helpless. Nothing I could do to ease her pain or take the stupid disease away.
That’s all I wanted to do. I wanted to be the eraser and rewrite her fate. But as I have stated before, I am not God.
Last time I wrote I talked about how my mom was going to go in for a lumpectomy, radiation, and possibly chemotherapy all over again. With her cancer being the aggressive type it didn’t look promising that the cancer would ever go away. It seemed only darkness loomed ahead.
I was in the kitchen cooking a couple weeks ago when my mom came home from meeting with her surgeon. The surgery was all set.
Everything was set in motion for her to get a lumpectomy, but after meeting with the surgeon and understanding more about what a lumpectomy would really mean for her, my mom decided against it.
Having a lumpectomy would have meant a huge nasty scar and a hole in the top of her breast. Most people diagnosed with breast cancer have the tumor at the bottom of the breast towards the armpit. So if you had the tumor there, getting a lumpectomy wouldn’t be so terrible because the lump and scar would be hidden by your armpit.
With my mom, however, it would mean having a huge hole at the top of her breast. Which would mean almost every shirt she would wear the scar would be visible. Not to mention with a lumpectomy she would of had to have radiation and her cancer was the aggressive type so the disease would have been more likely to return.
So back to the day I was cooking and my mom came home after meeting with the surgeon, I remember seeing only pain in my moms eyes. She didn’t want radiation, an ugly scar, or a huge possibly for her cancer to return. She wanted to put this all behind her.
Two days ago my mom was in surgery. She did one of the hardest things a woman would ever have to go through. She had a double mastectomy. Her breasts are gone.
I can’t tell you the emotional stress I have been under, that we have all been under. The nightly routine of putting on a brave face but being scared as hell the entire time. Like I said, we having been walking a tight rope.
My mother, who was facing a demon head on was the strongest of us all. Even after her surgery Wednesday she was making jokes and wore her beautiful smile. She came home from the hospital yesterday and today she put on makeup, jeans, and a hoodie. I couldn’t believe it. She is sore but laughing and enjoying herself. Walking around the house like she didn’t undergo major surgery. Honestly, she amazes me.
A couple hours ago, my mom received a call from her surgeon.
The pathology results came back.
Are ready for it???
Her margins were clean. She is cancer free!!!!! Did you read that right? Cancer FREE!
All that is left now is reconstruction, which will happen after she is healed.
For now the cancer is behind us, or almost behind us. I can say with confidence however, that my mom is a champion and faced cancer with an attitude that I can only dream about.
Go mom! Congratulations!!! You made it! Cancer free!!!!!