February 4th 2010 The Death Of My First Love

Like a troubled violin my heart plays a sad song

I lie on my wired stiff mattress

And I stare

Walls begin to turn blue

Black dots appear

My eyes begin to burn

I haven’t moved in hours

Headphones blare in my ears

Nothing feels like anything anymore

Jagged edges, hollow holes

Numb, bleak

I scream

Ear piercing

I can’t stand this

Knees to my chest

Fingers grabbing my pillow

Arms are holding the pillow tight

Mascara tears linger down the back of my neck

Silence

Deathly

There is no more hope

Trust, I trusted you

Belief, I believed you

Lips, I kissed you

Love, I love you

Heart, given to you

Betrayal, betrayed by you

Everything fades away

I see us as we once were

Happy,

best friends

forever in love

Reality comes back

I see us as we are

Alone and afraid

Ripped into pieces

Left to rot amongst my own self-destruction

Tied down and left to watch your happiness

Left to remember your lies

Left to watch

Watch as you marry another

She wasn’t even the other woman

The woman you came clean about

Apparently there was another

I am sick, weak, and weary
ChelseaBed-1

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