I’m just not sure what to say
Should I tell you how much it hurt when you left?
How abandoned I always felt?
I realize that it is not your fault
And that there is nothing that you could have
Done to prevent it
However long it took me to realize that
I realize it now
Sometimes I miss you so much
Other days it’s hard to believe you were ever alive
I wonder what you would think of me now
Would you be proud?
Would you still say I was your little girl?
Would you tell me I grew up beautiful just like my mother?
For years I thought
If only I was better, thinner, smarter,
More giving, happier, if I did everything right
You would come back to me
And the nightmare would end
But it was no use
Because I still felt the pain of a thousand knifes
With every pound, mistreated romance, every failure
No matter what I was never going to be good enough
To see you smile at me one more time
Would you be proud, Daddy, would you?
Who would you be now?
Would you be sober?
Would you be single?
The stone never answers
Neither do old photographs
Or the nightmares that bring you back to life
I’ve loved I’ve lost
I’ve lived I’ve learned
I’ve smiled I’ve cried
I felt my heart stop when my life was too much
And I felt it rapidly beat when The Lord held me tight
Nothing really left to say,
I’m in photography school now,
Would you have like that or be disappointed?
I remember how you always believed in me…
Would you believe in me now?
Your son is sad, I’m not sure he has forgiven himself
For the distance he put between you two
But what do I know, more then miles keep us at bay
It breaks me down to see him so empty and angry
Would you know what to say to bring him back to faith?
Did you even have Faith?
Would he even be in this mess if you were here?
Or would everything be worse if you were alive?
So here is a photograph of me
It’s the last time you ever saw me, I was 11
I’ll lay it on you grave with these words on the back…
PS, Today I miss you more than I did yesterday
Sorry for that but I can’t feel this pain everyday
It would be too much to bear…
By the way, I love you still